People Who Write Things

I'm trying to be less monotonous with the cynicism and the self-pity and the inadvisable emotional investment in our nation's irreparable political system and the sophomoric cultural analysis and the railing against the injustice of my numerous traffic citations and the plugs for my series of real estate seminars and the parroting of conspiracy theories as fact and the... well, the nonstop Simpsons references would most likely need to be removed surgically. BY CALLING 1-600-DOCTORB!

The point is, rather than the diminishing-returns grumbling with which I'd ordinarily eulogize the passing annum, I thought I'd close 2009 by being upbeat and sharing a brief, silly exchange that comprised my favorite conversation of the year.

Back in August, I was riding around with my parents after they helped me hastily vacate my Ann Arbor apartment. (I had incorrectly noted the end date of my lease and the property management firm was none too enthusiastic about me drifting across the line separating "tenant" from "squatter.") We drove past a tanker truck bearing a warning that it contained non-potable water, which led to the following discussion:

DAD: "Non-portable water"? What does that mean? It's just for this spot?
MOM: No, it says "non-potable." It means it's not for consumption.
DAD: "Potable"?
ME: "Potable" means you can drink it.
[DAD considers this for a moment.]
DAD: "I'm feeling very portable." [sic]
ME: ... No.

As a bonus, this also reminded me of my favorite exchange from the great, defunct reality show Beauty and the Geek. The nominal beauties had been made to study primers on home repair and tool use in preparation for an upcoming challenge, which was introduced thusly:

BLAND HOST: This is a tool chest, and inside--shocker!--are tools.
BEAUTY ONE: What are "tools"?
BEAUTY TWO: What's "shocker"?

Bev and I quote Beauty and the Geek to each other an awful lot. Also every other reality show.

I hope you all have a perfectly lovely new decade. Unless you're a Common Era ordinal number holdout, Cole, in which case I hope you enjoy the final year of the current decade.

CURRENT MUSIC: The contents of my hard drive on shuffle. (Current song: "Shabby Doll" by Elvis Costello.)
CURRENT MOOD: Headachey.
BEST SURPRISE I RECENTLY RECEIVED: Bev got mentioned in The A.V. Club! Or alluded to, anyway. One week's AVQ&A was about suggestions for wedding songs or readings, and Tasha Robinson wrote, "Personally, I'm not married, nor am I the type of gal who sits around fantasizing about her wedding ceremony, so I don't have a playlist worked out for it yet. And if I were to be totally honest, having to make decisions like that is probably one reason I'm not married. But I'll tell you this: One of the best ideas for a wedding song I've heard this decade came from an AVC reader who talked about playing 'How Very Special Are We' from the original animated Charlotte's Web at his wedding, and that strikes me as just about the perfect blend of sentimental, sweet, and non-cloying." I was that reader! But it was Bev's idea, so she gets the credit. (Attentive readers will recall that Tasha was also kind enough to send me an MP3 of that song for us to play at the reception and include on the mix CD we gave out as a wedding favor.)